There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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