Are we in a gay sports bar?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
