Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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