A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
