I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
