i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
