I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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