I don't remember. Are we still dating?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
