I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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