We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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