those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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