Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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