So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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