how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
