yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
