I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
