I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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