Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
