He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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