we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
