I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
