I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
