I heard we made out
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
