the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm passing your future prison.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
