I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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