Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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