just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
