Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
