I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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