He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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