this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
