Can i not drive my cunt home
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
