the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
