You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
