So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
