So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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