That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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