she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
