Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize