I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
