if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
