i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Vodka?
Forever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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