This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
