I'm lost and stupid without you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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