i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
