if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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