So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
