He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
