What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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