Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
