You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
