birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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