Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
