I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
