I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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