fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
