i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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