He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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