they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
