He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
