Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
