Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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