8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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