her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
