I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize