Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
