i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
