are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
