Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
