i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
