if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
