i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
smell my finger.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
did you just send me my own nude
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
