I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
