I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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