She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
