We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
