when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
