Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
a search helicopter?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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