girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize