my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
