It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
