how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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