So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
