I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
