I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he thought i was a dude.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
