If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
