i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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