Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
